btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
