you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
