Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
