onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I touched a dick in church today
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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