I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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