So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
