Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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