He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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