Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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