well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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