wrigley field is MILF paradise
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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