and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
