I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
