Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
