I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
