My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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