overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
