So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize