I am in a vortex of obligation.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
