I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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