Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
