i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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