I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
