erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
