It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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