i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
