How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
