ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize