Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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