the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
