She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
