I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
