Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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