I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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