And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
