There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
