There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
