i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
