I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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