There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
