This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He felt like a one man threesome
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
