Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I lost the right to judge tonight
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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