There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
