Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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