Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
