youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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