6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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