Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
