the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
