the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
