Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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