By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
