Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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