Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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