I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
false alarm, still single
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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