Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize