I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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