Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You need a sexual gate keeper
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
