once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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