i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
