Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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