im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
