peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
